Title

Am I sinful for the impermissible contact I have maintained with this man?

Question

My question is regarding Nikah. I have been proposed to by a buy, he knew me and I also know him; we were friends’ years back! I told him that I won’t answer but my family will. Later, he sent a proposal to my family through his mother and sisters. His family was ready, so was mine. My father said that he will do istikhara and then answer. It took him one whole year to answer the proposal; he said that he was not being satisfied and not getting any clear answer through istikhara.

In the meanwhile, we had been attached too much and fell deeply in love with each other. We haven’t met each other but we had contact over the phone. He was so tense and so was I as to why my father is not answering quickly! I didn’t want to indulge myself in haram. He then one day while messaging said do you accept me as your husband? I said yes three times. Then I asked him and he said yes three times. I knew that this Nikah is not valid but just to satisfy ourselves.

Then later, we started to talk about the future and, all the things that a married couple involve in. I feel so ashamed and I asked him not to talk about such things until we are legally married but he was sincere and he loved me deeply, he said I just want Nikah as soon as possible, it’s your family getting late.

Later on, after one year, my father said that he is not marrying me to this person as his istikhara did not answer good. I just want to ask about my relation I had with this person. How sinful am I for all the stuff I spoke to him about? I have no contact with him now and I feel so ashamed that how will I face the one I will be married to? Please satisfy me with your reply as I am really in need of it. Jazakallah.   

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

In principal, it is impermissible and sinful for a non-mahram male and female to interact with each other. However, you should not despair. Mistakes and sins are a fact of life and an inevitable reality. No-one is infallible, sinless or perfect bar the Prophets (alayhimus salaam). It is our response to this realisation that matters. Some people realise and acknowledge their shortcomings but turn a blind eye to them and overlook them. On the other hand, there are people who realise their sins and make a firm resolution not to commit them again. Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam says:

التَّائِبُ مِنَ الذَّنْبِ، كَمَنْ لَا ذَنْبَ لَهُ[i]

Translation: “The person who repents from his sins is like a sinless person.”

We understand from this Hadīth that once a person truly repents and sincerely asks Allah Ta῾ālā for forgiveness, he should have faith and be assured that Allah Ta῾ālā has forgiven him.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net