Title

Asslamualaikum, I am looking for a girl for marriage. How do we come to know that the girl is religious. What should we look for in the girl and family. Do we judge by- Burqa, namaz abstinence from TV etc. Jazakalla Hu Khair

Question

Asslamualaikum, I am looking for a girl for marriage. How do we come to know that the girl is religious. What should we look for in the girl and family. Do we judge by- Burqa, namaz abstinence from TV etc. Jazakalla Hu Khair

Answer

In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh

When deciding whom to marry one should consider the golden advice`s of Nabī (Sallāllāhualaīhiwasalam):

Nabī (Sallāllāhu alaīhi wasalam) urged his Ummah to marry religious woman.

Nabī (sallāhu alihi wasalam) said: “

Women are married because of four reasons, for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty and for her Dīn, give preference to the women with Dīn, you will attain success.”

(Sahih Muslim 4/175,dar aljeel, Beirut)
(Mishkāt ul Masābīh, Pg. 267, Vol. 6, Deoband) ^[1]

Nabī (Sallāllāhu alahi wasalam) has also said:

Marry a caring/loving woman who can bear children, as I will boast with the number of my followers on the Day of Qiyāma.

(Mishkātul Masābīh,ibid)^[2]
(Mirqāt ul Mafātīh, Pg.192, Vol.6, Multān)

In another Hadīth Nabī (Sallāllāhu alaihiwasalm) has said:

Marry virgin women, for verily their mouths are quite pure, and their wombs are cleaner, and they are pleased with less.

The Ulamā have explained the words “their mouths are quite pure” to mean; their kiss and their speech are pure. Furthermore they have more modesty, and they are passionate towards their husbands.

(Mirqāt ul Mafātīh. IBID)^[3]

One should seek a spouse who will be a good mother to his children, and will be of such character that will help her husband in fulfilling the obligations of Dīn.

A person’s character cannot be determined from his outward appearance. So a burqa cannot be used as a yard stick for determining the piety of a woman. It is possible that a woman wears Hijāb simply because her parents have forced her, or because the women she associates herself with wear Hijāb. It could even be possible that the girl might have a noble and pious family but she herself is not at all pious. So it would be best that you consult with those who know the girl on a personal level. If it is not possible for you to do this then you could request a female member of your family to do this for you.

One should seek guidance from Allāh Tā`la when deciding matters of such importance. Nabī (Sallāllāhu alaīhi wasalam) has taught us a way of seeking guidance from Allāh Tā`la. It is as follows:

Istikhāra is a means of seeking guidance from Allāh Tā`la. Nabī (Sallāllāhualaīhiwasalam has shown us a method of Istikhāra:

Nabī (Sallāllāhu alahiwasalam) used to say:

If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, or about making plans for a journey, he should perform two Rak`āts, not as an obligatory observance, but voluntarily.  Then he should recite the following:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ العظيم، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ ان هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْر ديني و معاشي و عاقبة امري فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي- وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ-  وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ هذا الامر شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْه عني و اصرفني عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ رَضِّنِي بِهِ))

(Saheeh Al Bu khari, Pg. 208,Vol .7 Darul Fikr^[4])

O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge, and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You are the One who knows all things invisible. O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in the best interests of my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term, then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless me in it. If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well, wherever I may happen to be,  and make me content with Your verdict.

Inshāllah, Allāh Tā`la will inspire you with the correct decision and Allāh Tā`la will decree good in that decision for.

And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum

Ml. Muhammed Sindhi,
Student Dārul Iftā

Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā