Title

My question is what can you suggest I do to help decrease the fighting and disrespect between my parents?

Question

My parents are now seniors, and have been married for about 30 years, but as far as I can remember they argue and disrespect each other almost everyday.  They will ignore each other and not try to work things out, my brothers and I we will try our best to make them work things out but it has also become so common to us that it doesn't bother us anymore, but I feel with the fighting in the house our Baraqah is being lost, my wife and I make dua everyday and have even told them that their fighting can result to many things such as loss of Baraqah and respect from the children.  I am about to have a child InshaAllah and I don't want this child to be in this type of environment as I plan to stay with my brother sand support my parents as long as I can.  My question is what can you suggest I do to help decrease the fighting and disrespect between my parents?

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh

There are two issues to your query

• Your parents quarreling
• Loss of Barakah and affecting your life

Every human has been created with an instinct to dispute. Allah states “And man is a big disputer”. This instinct becomes more apparent with age as a persons level of tolerance and perseverance decreases. You state that your parents are married for thirty years. The bond between your parents is extremely strong and close. Therefore, it is important that you do not fall into their disputes. Both are parents to you and you are bound to respect both of them. By you falling in between their dispute, perhaps you may take one parent’s side which will result in the other becoming annoyed and offended which could be harmful and detrimental to you. If your parents cannot contain themselves and the matter is going out of hand and you perceive that they might require some help, then suggest to some senior or close associate of theirs to help and assist them.

Certainly, quarreling and fighting takes away the Barakah and blessings from the home. Furthermore, you are expecting your child and these type of fights and arguments could have a negative impact on the child. It is obvious that by the fighting of your parents those around them are also emotionally stressed. That includes yourself and your wife. Since she will be emotionally affected, the child will suffer the same.

It is important how you address the issue of moving out with your parents. You should not use their differences as an excuse to leave. Rather use some diplomatic reason to excuse yourself. Their actions do not justify you being rude to them in anyway. They are still your parents and you are their child. You are obligated to them until they are alive.

You should also make Dua to Allah to soften their hearts and lessen their differences. Allah is the controller of hearts and only to Him can we rely to remedy the situation.

And Allah knows best

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa