Title

If the husband is studying in a far away place and the wife lives with her parents, whose rules should she obey?

Question

1. What is the minimum Mahr in Rands that can be payed by a husband to a wife when nikah takes place?
2. If the husband is studying in a far away place and the wife lives with her parents, whose rules should she obey?

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh

1.  The minimal mehr which a husband has to give his wife is 10 dirhams.  These days it is equivalent to about R 109.48.

2.  Shariah has put each person’s right in its place.  The parents have a very high status and should be dealt with the utmost respect.  In fact, after the rights of Allah and his Rasool (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam), the people that have the most rights are the parents.  Allah Ta’ala Says in the Noble Qur’an:

وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا (الاسراء : 23)

“Your Rabb has commanded that you worship only Him and that you treat your parents kindly.  If any one of the two (your parents), or both of them reaches old age with you, then do not even tell them Uf and do not rebuke them.  Speak gently to them.”

(al-Isra’ : 23)

In the abovementioned ayah, Allah Ta’ala places rights of the parents immediately after believing in Him. One has to be kind, gentle, and caring towards the parents.  Imam Nasa’i in his Sunan narrates:

عن معاوية بن جاهمة السلمي أن جاهمة جاء إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال يا رسول الله أردت أن أغزو وقد جئت أستشيرك فقال هل لك من أم قال نعم قال فالزمها فإن الجنة تحت رجليها

Mu’awiya bin Jahima al-Aslami narrates that Jahima came to Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) and said, “O Rasulullah, I intend to strive in the path of Allah and I have come to you for consoling.”  Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “do you have a mother (who is alive)? He replied, “Yes.”  Rasulullah then said, “Stay firmly with her (in her service), for verily Jannah is below her feet.”(Sunan al-Nasa’i)

In another hadith it comes:

عن عبد الله بن عمرو عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال رضى الرب في رضى الوالد وسخط الرب في سخط الوالد (سنن الترمذى)

Abdullah ibn Amr Narrates that Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said, “The pleasure of you Rabb lies in the pleasure of your father.  And the displeasure of your Rabb lies in the displeasure of you father.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi)

It is incumbent that the one treats ones parents with kindness and care and fulfills their wishes that are not contrary to Shariah.  In the same way the Shariah has give rights to the husband as well.  Consider the following Hadith:

عن أبي أمامة عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه كان يقول ما استفاد المؤمن بعد تقوى الله خيرا له من زوجة صالحة إن أمرها أطاعته وإن نظر إليها سرته وإن أقسم عليها أبرته وإن غاب عنها نصحته في نفسها وماله (سنن ابن ماجه)

Abu Umama narrates that Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) used to say, “A believer has not benefited after fear of Allah more than a pious wife.  When he tells her to do something, she fulfills it.  When he looks at her, she pleases him.  If he were to take an oath on her, she would free him from that oath.  If he is absent from her, she desires well for him regarding herself (by remaining chaste) and regarding his money.  (Sunan Ibn Majh)

Regarding your query, the wife should try to uphold both the husband’s right and the rights of her parents.  If her husband tells her to do something lawful but her parents disagree then she does not have to listen to her parents in this and should do what her husband has told her.  At the same time the husband should be considerate and not tell her to do things which will create friction in her relationship with her parents.

And Allah knows best

Wassalam

Ml. Ehzaz Ajmeri,
Student Darul Iftaa

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa