Title

He had intercourse with me and then says i am not a virgin and does not want to marry me

Question

,,My question is ,,i love my boyfriend alot ,,even he loves me to,, we did istekaras also,, even we told our family abt our love,, the thing is first he kissed me twics. When he meet me ,,he live in peshawar and i live in karachi so it difficult to meet every day ,,i know he love me alot,,last month he made me really hurt he was liek my father is saying no this girl is baloch and we r pathans all she lives in karachi we live here ,,than i told him ok if ur dad says says this wht u will do than he was liek i will try my best to make them agree he took quran kasam tht he will merry me,,he took his mom swear also ,,the thing is now this time he came 3 days back ago,,  we both had pysical relation now the thing is after doing sex with ,me he says ur not virgin ,,,let me tell u one thing i was very good sport girl even very good in horse ridding,, i want to know ,,wht to do now,, im so hurt i have done so many things for him now he is saying this,,,i allow him to touch me just bcoz i want to get merry with him,, will u plz guide me now wht to say him,, i really love him i cant live without him,, my dad is also not alive ,,,my mom will die if she come to know this,,,he also wrote question to u tht he wants to get married  with his girl frd and even he told u abt his istikarah which he saw,,,,i feel like to kill my self when he talks like this,, but i know its haram,,

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

I am very sad to read about your experience with the person. I make dua that Allah guides you and gives you tawfeeq to do the correct thing.

Whilst we sympathize with you and make dua for you, I wish to offer you my honest and sincere advice. Read my advice carefully and ponder upon it. Do not be emotional. You need to love yourself first and protect yourself.

You may be aware that Islam prohibits a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. There are many negative factors in it, some of which you have experienced and suffer the consequences. Had you followed the path of Deen and abstained from such a relationship, you would not have hurt yourself. You are suffering the consequences of the un-Islamic relationship. Guard yourself against abuse and the hungry men waiting to fulfill their sexual appetites through promises and enticements. If the person wanted to marry you, he should have proposed for you. He should have discussed the issue with his family and proceeded with Nikah. How could you be so naïve and actually give him access to you? He now uses you and makes excuses. Nevertheless, all is not lost. You should now do damage control and avoid the situation getting any worse.

Firstly make tawba and repent to Allah for the sinful relationship. Allah is Most Merciful and loves those who repent. He will shower you with His Special Mercy.

Secondly, control your emotions. Love is a two way issue. You cannot simply love the person without him loving you. If he loved you and respected you, he should not have conducted himself as he did. Do not believe his claim of love for you. You too should take charge of your emotions and think carefully. Love yourself first and don’t let anyone cause unnecessary pain to you.

If the person really wants to marry you, let him get his family to agree and then propose to you in a dignified manner. In the meantime, sever contact with him. If it is destined for both of you to be married, it will be, and if it is not destined it will not be. Condition your mind to submit to the will of Allah and be happy with that.

And Allah knows best

Wassalam

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa